Why do doctors marry doctors?
It’s almost 12.00 A.M when I glance at the ominous hands of the clock. I am exhausted, I have had a long day. It isn’t over yet. Another emergency. A child. An accidental case of drowning in the pool of a hotel a few months back. Now in need of palliative care. He had arrived from the airport directly to our emergency. Taken care of, but the time for my son’s homework is long past.
He will be sleeping peacefully, tucked between the sheets and my husband, when I return ten minutes from now, very glad to have not opened his books today. Atleast someone is happy, I think to myself ruefully. I dunno if he has eaten or not as I, guilt ridden, think of yet another page of undone homework. The class teacher must hate me secretly. As a working mother, I dread the PTM’s a lot more than average mom does and probably more than my child.
My phone rings. I break out of my sleep induced reverie.
It’s my husband’s concerned voice at the other end “How long will it take?”
“On my way!” I mumble tiredly, trudging slowly now, heading towards the silhouette in the street lights; the building I call home. Like most other marriages, most days he doesn’t care if I live or die, but intuitively, on these long tiresome days, he checks upon me. His antennae are strong.
“ Its alright. Take your time. Food is ready!” says he and hangs up. I say a silent prayer thanking the good lord. I am surprised I remember one, been so long since I said one. Atleast no cooking today.
I reach the door and he opens it. Hugs me and asks me what happened. I tell him the entire saga and unburden all my emotions and anger towards the world in general, people, hospital administeration and kith and kin of patients. He nods. I delineate the case to him because the child may soon be referred to him. He is a paediatric surgeon. We talk about it some more. We both realise that medicine is on a decline world over. Big machines and building not withstanding. Feel annoyed, irritated then nod off to sleep, too tired to anticipate what our future holds for us. Tomorrow will be another long day. But today we have each other.
There have been too many days like this, sprinkled far too generously over the long six years that we have been married. Being a doctor is tough. Marriage is tougher. Both together can spell disaster. I secretly think a huge percentage of doctors do suffer from some kind of mental disorder. They just refuse to get tested. No kidding (and apologies if you are one.)
Hence, spending a life with someone who doesn’t understand the nitty gritties of our profession can be a little daunting, not to say lonely and a tad painful. I know the wife (a homemaker) of a very famous neurosurgeon, who once told me that she had spent her entire life waiting. Just waiting. Her sorrow and loneliness so palpable. It would take a very calm, level headed person to handles the ups and downs; married to someone, who inturn is married to his profession. I know of no other profession that takes such a toll on life itself. Law perhaps! I don’t know. It should be a profession, a means to put that food on that table. That’s it! It rarely is.
I have changed drastically over the years. I was never such a cynic. Now I feel like a volcano about to erupt at any given point of time. I have seen my husband change too over the years. From a young sassy guy he is turned into a sour dough. He has considerably more grey in his mop and a constant frown, which I am not sure is because of our wedlock or the profession (I would like to think it’s the latter). And when he operates, I know he is scared now. If the patient will be ok and there will be no post operative morbidity. But who can predict that and now more than ever, I am hearing the silent prayers of the surgeons as they pick up that scalpel. Our society now thrives on mistrust and instant lawsuits. And doctors are a scared lot now. Very scared.
Late marriages, high divorce rates and difficult conceptions are a norm in this profession and even if, by some small miracle, the marriages stays intact finding a job for both spouses in the same city can be a tall order. Atleast, that’s what I have I experienced in my short stint as one. Needless to say, the children suffer the most often missing out on time from one or both the parents. We try very hard to go for my son’s recital every time but I am ashamed to admit we fail a lot. There is money but little else. I often question the meaning of life, now. And remember that line wryly “ you are born, you pay your bills and then you die!” How apt.
When I was young all I dreamt of was a corner office in a high rise and me with a suitcase and pant suits. Sigh! Nothing could be further away from reality now. The white collared ones can atleast quit a bad firm. Most hospitals are the same and we know little else. I want to quit all this and open my dhaba and spend my life feeding people merrily! Ahh such dreams.
Coming back to the question ! Getting into medicine was a bad decision. But I console myself with this one line, someone’s got to do it, right ?
Me marrying a doctor, didn’t turn out so bad!
• College love Factor :-
As we know that doctors are merely confined to their colleges, library and hospitals also the duration of course is long in comparison to other courses so the maximum possibility arises of love happening in between the batchmates or between junior seniors.
Same thing goes for engineer-engineer, lawyer-lawyer or lawyer-judge marriages.
And as soon as course is completed this love life turns out in the shape of marriage. As future of both the parties is well secured so families don’t act as obstacle.
This is one case. And maximum of such cases will be witnessed in undergraduation period only, they may or may not be successful.
• Business Factor :
This kind of factor generally arise for those who were quite dedicated during their undergraduation and get postgraduation in some good clinical subjects. Their love life starts at PG level running together in hospitals.
For eg :
- Let’s say a Pediatrician and Gynaecology resident will interact as soon as delivery is over. So this way interaction may lead to marriage. (God what I’m writing?) 😛
- Other example similar thing can happen between doctor and nurses so these kind of marriages may also be possible. (I’ve seen such couples).
Coming to the point as soon as these residents get married both suppose open nursing home one side deliveries are going on and on the other hand pediatrician is taking care of newborns.
So this name suits well to this factor. 😛
Now last factor.
• Doctor Rishta (proposal) from family:
Family usually finds a doctor rishta from the doctors from their community and two doctors finally tie wedding knot having similarity of mere MBBS (same course) doesn’t matter whether there is any other similarity in between the two or not !! 😀
These three factors can be the only possibilities that I see as a reason for doctor-doctor marriages.
Doesn’t matter whatever maybe the profession is, there should be deep understanding between the two so that such sort of doctor-doctor rishtas (proposals) actually works too !!